1. Make sure you’re ready to exchange business cards. Judge and be judged.
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Always have something to say about current events.
2. Like interest rates! “We haven’t been in a raising rate environment for years, what will this do to bond issuance and deal flow?”
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3. “Can you believe Congress got so close to defaulting on the debt? It’s like these House Republicans don’t know who funds their campaigns!”
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5. “If only there was a businessman in the White House, we wouldn’t have all these problems.”
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6. “But it’s even worse overseas. Try doing a deal in Russia? Doesn’t work unless you know Putin.”
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7. “It’s not too great here though. I mean, capital gains taxes, they’re 20%!”
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9. (New York only) “I’ll miss him, he actually understands how important businesspeople are to the economy.”
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But current events are a huge bummer, so maybe talk about something everyone in business does way too much: travel.
10. “When’s the last time you went to Japan? Long flight, great restaurants. Culture is definitely a bit different.”
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And your commute.
12. “I spend more time waiting for the Metro North than I do with kids.”
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13. “The only thing worse than flying commercial is my buddy’s tiny plane.”
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14. “Ugh, and the walk from Grand Central to the office. In the winter it’s like circumnavigating Antarctica.”
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If none of this works, focus on recreational activities.
15. “I got a new golf pro and my swing is a-may-zing.”
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16. “But it’s hard to find any young people to play with.”
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18. Sure enough, someone will pitch you on a “great investment idea.”
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20. “It’s a can’t miss opportunity, the returns will be amazing!”
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21. It might be a great idea!
24. And if all else fails, just memorize Andrew Sorkin’s column and quote portions of it in response to every question.
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